Humor - Advice for Newlyweds

My granddaughter got married in Illinois so we hopped in the car and emptied our pocket book at a dozen or so service stations along the way.

I should say "gas" stations as there is no such thing as a service station since the man with the "star" turned in his badge—except in New Jersey and Oregon where it is still civilized.

Twice I decided to put my wife's handicap tag on the rear view mirror and look forlornly out the window—but nobody volunteered to pump gas for me—and nobody seemed to care that I had about ten zillion bugs on my windshield.

So I pumped my own gas and watched the pennies zip buy at the speed of light while the gallons moved as slowly as molasses in January in Nome located on the south coast of the Seward Peninsula which, if you haven't been there or have been there, is in Alaska.

Removing bugs squished on my windshield at 75.3 miles per hour is horrific. The speed quoted is the combined speed of my Sienna and the bugs, but that is only an estimate. Dragonflies, which make a big splat, could raise that to 75.35 or so.

God made bugs of mostly waterproof, instant-setting epoxy resin. I always carry a spade in my car for the tough spots. My wife says the scratches the spade makes are worse than the bugs. How could that be?

Having always had a persistence to study nature, I study each squished bug carefully to see if I can add a new species to my "life bug list" which I keep in my glove compartment next to my "life bird list" and my "life rock list."

We had stopped in the fossil hills of Wyoming to look at past squished critters and I saw that I had an extinct cousin of Dendroctonus ponderosae on my windshield— Dendroctonus ponderosae nowdeadacus—or ancient pine beetle.

I hoped to register this with The World Federation of Extinct Species so they could remove it from their list, but I realized that I would be accused of making the extinction of Dendroctonus ponderosae nowdeadacus final.

Anyway, I could not scrap the bug onto my sticking note, so they would not believe me anyway. Also, the photo I took of the bug was as blurry as the bug.

By the way, did you know that we are losing a number of species of farm animals every year? I read that at: http://www.fao.org/NEWS/2000/001201-e.htm

We got to Newton, Iowa where there was a pre-marriage reception for my granddaughter and the handsome quarterback she had landed. He is the twin of his wide receiver who was married last year and so got ahead of him.

Some of our old Iowa friends were at the reception and we exchanged lies and other success stories. It was very hot in the building and the caterers could hardly keep the punch bowls filled. It was not any cooler in Illinois on the banks of the Mighty Mississippi.

I always call the Mississippi, "Mighty." I wonder if I leaned that from Mark Twain who hung out on the river. Do you remember Indian Joe of Tom Sawyer fame? I think that Tom Sawyer was one of the first movies I ever saw. Indian Joe scared the daylights out of me. When I was birding with my Number 2 son on the bank of the river, I kept an eye out for that sneaky Indian Joe in the woods.

Well, my granddaughter and her man were married in the Nauvoo Temple as were her brother and older sister. It is the custom of we Mormons to get married forever so that is what they did.

Here is my advice to the new couple:

Keep Truckin'!

The End